POST MORTEM DICHOTOMY
Although theological matters are not of great concern, the Holy See confirmed at a press conference—likely due to this trend of political correctness—that Hell would now be called Paradise C, Purgatory—once again in use—B, and Heaven, as it has always been, A.
The problem is that, in the final sentences—they haven’t updated the system yet—it doesn’t specify the font. If you ask for clarification, the page returns error 666—lizard, lizard!
Thus, when my time came, I still had not decided where I would live—or die—eternally, for I had accumulated more than enough merits to tip the scales either way.
As it is customary to blindfold you upon entering, when my sight returned, I remained bewildered: I couldn’t tell if that sinful pleasure foreshadowed “calderada” or if it was my welcome to “Premium Paradise,” for Pedro—Botero or Simón, depending on who you ask—was waiting for me with a bulbous glass of Jerez brandy in each hand.
Esteban Torres Sagra
